Don't lose it.

I have considered it, briefly. I am older, and supposedly established... children and all. But underneath there is this vibrant current, which people recognise.

Don't lose it

you got your septum pierced?! ah you crazy crazy girl! actually, if i had the balls to do it, i totally would!

im so happy that you and graham are good again!

and i lurrve your dog piccies! :]

cute!

love love love

Gorgeous pup!! 

Yep, Russian girls always seem to have this exotic look- we have a Russian girl that works in our office and she is stunning!! 

Lol- I wish I could be an elf!!!  That would be so much fun- I hope you get it!

I LURVE your purple hoodie.  I have a stripey one that everyone (but me) hates... lol...

The pics are gorgeous- I love your make-up.  That dog, oh my word, I almost laughed my butt off.  Next year, I'm dressing Dax up!

i LOVE your kittie pics! hahah i really wanted to see the retarded costume though!!!

ack youre so lucky youre not living here... people are bitching and moaning and ugh. ugh ugh ugh. there is so much hate in this country, i wish we could be as laid back as canada :)

love love love

nooo skattebol REPORT HERRRR shes a fucking creep! if she wants to sit and listen to you guys talk all day and shit, then why doesnt she drag her fat ass down to where you work? shes probably sitting around watching in her underwear eating chips the dumb bitch. seriously, report her. because either way she has to give you your check. and shes going to keep screwing her employees unless someone does something.

ps i totally cracked up that you shouted "FUCK YOU YOU CHEAP BITCH" into the microphone...HILARIOUS! hahaha

love love love

Girly, its your choice, but after reading your last entry I would report that cow!!! She sounds absolutely revolting.  Good on you for screaming into the mic though!!!  Go skattebol!!!

Good luck with your studies and I hope you get that job.  I hate that life is so damn expensive!!!

[AllySunnySmile]

Lol- I have a few crazy eyeball shots- Jason loves taking close-up pics of my eyes (and yet, I love him anyway!). 

I'm sorry your ears are giving you a hard time.  My dad recently had a problem with his ears.  He tried "self-medicating" though.  He poured almost a liter of undiluted peroxide (I am not kidding) down his ear.  This caused a growth to form, which had to be surgically removed. 

With the gene pool I come from, I sometimes wonder how I made it this far. 

jeeez $8 an hour is ballin where im from! i think i made $8.50 this summer though or maybe it was 7 50... not too sure. but i couldnt imagine trying to pay rent and shit on that kind of money

good luck with escuela!

love love love

HO LEE SHIT! i had to read that like eight times for it to sink in!!!!!! i guess because i didnt expect it... but thats good for you, im glad that you know what you deserve. i feel like so many people who are unhappy in super long relationships just prolong it simply BECAUSE its been a long relationship and theyre scared of ending it because thats all they know. it makes me sad... dont let that factor in to whether or not you and graham get back together.

girlfriend you got your shit together! enjoy the single life!

love love love

I love your pictures. They look like a fun bunch of people to hang out with. Thanks for sharing.

"Laos seems nice. Apparently they are very efficient at waste disposal, too. I don't know if you'd have noticed this because you were feeling so ill though."

I don't remember it. I as so ill and weak and had such a miserable time there. I would love to go back to the country but I don't think it's in the cards for me.

Take care.

Lol!!  Your pics are so cute!!  You are GORGEOUS girl!  Graham and his brother look like twins!  It's quite funny, my friend Jessie married a guy who looks like he could be Graham's long lost cousin. 

I'm so glad your party went well!! 

Your TMI paragraph made me go   LOL!!

Ooo, I love surprise parties!  I'm thinking of throwing one for Jace for his birthday next year- get all his friends together and we all go play paintball.  I think Jace would like that...

Good luck with your planning and enjoy your weekend! 

(And you can't have Jace.. grrr...grrr *growls like guard dog*  Lol!) 

[AllySunnySmile]

Haha...awesome! Have fun this weekend!

-Amanda

good luck party planning doll!

love love love

its good though that youre not going to sit around and not change things. t least you realize the things you need to do to make yourself stay happy... people should stay your friends despite differences in activities, and if that cant be handled then..idk?

love love love

huzzah!!! im really glad things are working out with you and graham! i hope he keeps it up!

love love love

I think you know the answer to your question- comfort zone.  One of my friends used to have this relationship "rule".  There are always going to be good times and bad times. But when the bad times start out-weighing the good times, its time to reflect.  You need to ask yourself: firstly, do I like myself when I'm with him?  Do I like HIM?  Does he make me smile at least half of the time I am with him? 
If you're coming up with "no"s, then you need to think about leaving.  Its a tough choice.  It will change your life.  But you have to remember that there IS someone out there who's better for you.   

Lol. When I first read your entry my brain was switched off and I read "hit him" instead of "hit ON him"... I was pretty confused!

That does sound like a bad idea... I dunno, I just know that for me, if I did something like that, even if it was a joke and Jason found out, he'd be really hurt and probably a bit mad.  Like, why do I feel like I need to/want to test him?  It might just be me though. 

That pic is great!  And you look amazing!  Not many people can pull off a skirt and takkies (ugh, sorry, running shoes- South Africans call running shoes takkies... lmao)but you manage to do it with panache :-)  Plus you are really pretty.  I agree about wearing comfy shoes when you do something like that- it would be like playing paintball in stilettos...

I think that's awful what you're doing to your boyfriend.

What is that stuff??

hmmm idk... you really could be opening up a can of worms with this... and im not trying to be negative, but you always have to be prepared to not like what comes from it you know?

but pshhh, damn, hes a foo if he cheats on a girl that can pull of a skirt and tennis shoes like that! daaaaayamn!

love love love

i cant believe you dont think your life is exciting! every time i read about your crazy adventures i just get so jealous! you guys always find something fun to do outdoorsy and everything... bah, youll find loads of cool people and cool things eventually

love love love

i absolutely loooove the dock at seven in the morning picture! that actually looks professional! *sigh* i gotta get to canada sometime.

but where were YOU in all these pictures my dear?!

good luck sitting in your car again!

love love love

ah your cottage trip sounds so cute and fun and amazing! i love the stories of you guys hanging out. i think its super cute.

do people even get toxic shock anymore???

love love love

ahhh i defo know how you feel... i miss my kids horribly but i definitely dont miss them when they were pissing me off or it was 95 degrees outside and we had to friggin play kickball.

have a blast at the cottage!

love love love

Not boring at all! 
Lol
I COULD NOT handle that many kids for that long, daaaaaamn.  I am not good with kids. That's so sweet that that kid loved you so much.  Cute. 
I know how you feel re: the school thing.  Most of my high school friends got jobs straight out of school and they just didn't get how I felt, slogging it to study, work, party... uh.  It was kinda sucky, not having anyone to talk to about it. 

ok thats definitely unsettling about the money problems! you lent him 800 bucks and he still hasnt paid you back but he goes and buys drugs with his money instead! the main thing he needs to do is make you an actual priority, not just the girlfriend!

always keep your options open beautiful!

love love love

and wait...youre only 20?

SKATTEBOL! silly if you dont want to do coke then just dont do it! peer pressure is bad bad bad!

hahahha WTF how did you guys react to just seeing this kid poop his pants on stage? seriously!

love love love

ahhh i always loooove your pictures! i always feel like they should be in a coca cola advertisement or something!

love love love

omgggg i LOVE camp stories! your kids sound so so so so sooo cute! thats the age group i realllllly wanted to work with this summer! but i love the stories, they made me sad though because today was our last day of camp for the summer

is it bad i totally remember that star on the eel tail and i could never f***ing get it?

and as always, i love the animal pics my fellow treehugger puts up, but of course my favorite it the little itty bitty turtle!!!! AHHHHHHH!

 love love love

aghhh skattebol, why cant i KNOW you here?! why do you have to be all the way in freakin canada?! we would have way too much fun if we met in real life though. and wed probably end up dead somehow hahah... but i love these pictures, its such a little movie like weekend! adorable!

hahah yeahh hes a cute guy...his boo is such a bitch though i dont get it at all... that was from the night we played bingo and we had stampers. eventually it turned into us stamping all over each other hahah

love love love

hey hun, i've seen that show before, and that's awesome you are going to meet him eventually. :)

the party sounded awesome. :P

take care!  xo

ohhh man that party sounds so freakin sick... how the heck does he not ever get investigated??

im really glad things are working out for you and graham...yayyyy... but what on EARTH is a bubble tea?

love love love

Wow, your course sounds amazing!  So interesting.  Ack, I also hate sitting in classes, taking notes... I sometimes wonder how I made it through a law degree!!! 
I have watched something similar to that show- though I'm not sure if its the same thing or what its called.  Its amazing the way these guys survive though- I can't do a thing without my hairdryer and mascara- I SOOOO could not survive for a few weeks in the wilderness!!  LOL. 

[AllySunnySmile]

Thanks for your comment!  I've been losing weight the healthy (and frustratingly sloooow,lol) way.  But I reckon, its been about 5 or 6 years since I was my ideal weight, so I can't expect to drop it off immediately and then stay that way!  I've stopped eating sweets- although I occasionally, about once a week, allow myself a treat like ice cream or something.  I am also exercising a lot, at the moment mainly cardio, like running on the treadmill and cycling.  I have fallen "off the wagon" once or twice, but I just get back on- its a good feeling. 

Your pics are gorgeous!!!  I love, love, love that farm house.  I'm thinking of saving that pic, and one day, when I am grown-up (haha) I will build myself one!  All that GREEN as well... it is gorgeous.  Its quite funny too- when I saw the graveyard pic, the first thing I thought was "haha, they buried someone in the parking lot!" LOL!   
That pic of the flower was the best though- you are sooo cute, and I at first thought that flower wasn't real- wow.  So pretty!!

oh im glad to hear everything is Aok for now!! Lets hope after a week its still the same way. :)

CUTE pics - i love that skirt your wearing.

yeah mitchell turned out to be bi-sexual but he told me he preferred men.....wonder if his new girlfriend knows that!!

you are so effin cute. if we were lesbians, i'd so do you.

i am glad you and graham worked it out. hell me and trell do that crap all the time, we hate each other one minute, then we're in love again.

hopefully everything keeps going smooth.

i love your doggie.  i want her!  it's so sad her cookie crumbled.  that was adorable. :P

take care x

hahahah AAAAHHHH this update made me love you so much! hahah you crack me up and you are tres cute with the little goat and the rooster! THAT FARM LOOKS LIKE MY DREAM HOUSE!

cute cute cute and i want to come up and playyy

im so glad things worked out for you! yayyyy!

love love love

this sounds like the end of my relationship....i promise you that if you decide getting out of your relationship is whats best...you will not regret it...i promise.

stay strong ...

oh skattebol this sucks so much and its such a sh*t situation

we've been favs for a loooong time, and i remember reading about you going out every night it seemed like and getting high as a kite and going crazy... and it seems like lately youve gotten your sh*t together which is REALLY good. its great for you actually. but sometimes its like, if grahams not getting his sh*t together, then that prevents you from doing even more things with your life you know? youre TWENTY YEARS OLD. and hes the same age (if not older?). and all of us lovely ladies know that sometimes boys are f***ing stupid and we have to take care of them and when someone you love makes a mistake you help them out (sh*t, im $400 less off because of boytoy). but it seems like right now youre babysitting.

you are such an awesome person and youve gone through so much sh*t and dealt with it and i like you because you like animals and you want to do sh*t and you like to look at the beautiful things in life which is such a rarity in people now... it really sucks though, because youve been with him for SO long that no matter how obvious the signs are right in front of your eyes, youre going to be second guessing yourself. youre still young though, and i think you should go out and enjoy that instead of getting settled down with someone less than perfect for you. if you give him a chance and he shapes up a lot, thats awesome, but it kind of doesnt seem like he will.

good luck...im so sorry about all of this...

love love love

omgah that is seriously the CUTEST THING IVE EVER SEEN. WHAT THE f***. im coming to canada now specifically to see your dog... im so glad shes okay!

ack i like to hang out with camp kids too...but im not 21 yet, so none of them invite me out because theres no point and it makes me sad sad sad.

i really think people arep laying jokes on me though haha

love love love

She is so cute.  Lol, her leg looks like a plucked turkey leg, shame!!! 

I am really glad she's ok.

omgggg youre little stoned doggie is so so so terribly cute!! i want to hug her and crawl on the floor with her!!

hmmm i WOULD add pictures but i have absolutely no clue where my friggin camera is and im too lazy to look for it... and no maam i was not wasted when i wrote that! hahah why?

love love love

Thanks for your comment.  I agree, people really can suck, *sigh*. 
Shame, your poor pup!!!!  She is so cute though!! 
She does look like she was enjoying her meds... 

I hope Trisha feels better soon!!!

awww i hope your puppy will be okay!!  good luck with everything!

haha awww i love the last picture.  it looks like a white version of my dog!!